The Snow.

Hello dear readers, it’s been a while hasn’t it. Unfortunately I’ve had to take a little break from blogging because I am moving house but for one night only, I’m taking some ‘me’ time. I have a multi-pack of crisps, a 4 pack of beer, a little Beethoven playing in the background and I am feeling nice and relaxed. So, I thought I would try something a bit new. Here is some flash fiction for you, I hope you enjoy.

* I think this story works much better with this song playing in the background

The snow is coming down heavy now, like a blanket, it’s hard to see and I’ve lost all feeling in my body, I’m not sure if it’s the cold or the slug in my belly sending me into shock, not that I care. I peer over some crates that have been giving me some cover and I’m hit with the stink of rotten fish, and that was something, the whole damn dock stank of diesel, fishermen’s trawls, cordite, and blood. I can see Lucy on the jetty opposite me, a single lamppost illuminating the grim scene in the gloom; she looks like a little minnow, a minnow surrounded by hungry sharks, and she’s looking down five barrels, like little black eyes taunting her before they rip her apart. I can see her mouthing something, it looks like pleading, but I can’t hear anything over the wind except the faint laughter of the assholes pointing the guns and smiling with broken teeth.

They begin to circle, she hasn’t got long, and I need to do something, but what? I place my hands on the floor and try to stand, but they slip on the bloody ice and I fall to the floor like the slab of dead meat I am. The guns are pointing with purpose now, I’ve seen that look in men’s eyes before, and this won’t end pretty for Lucy unless I do something, but I’m useless. My arms are like jelly and my stomach feels like a thousand demons have set up camp in there, and each one is concocting a new torture for me. But what the hell am I going to do anyway? I barely survived the first trip into the harbour, it had to be ten below freezing in there, and even if I could get over to her, what was I going to do? Crawl up to them and ask politely to let her go? I’m useless, a dead duck, all I can do is lay here watching that asshole McCredie hold up his hands to stop his goons from taking the first shot.

I have never seen a guy take so much pleasure in raising his piece, the look in his eye, like a hunger, my heart stops.

The shot rang out across the docks and bounced around before getting taken on a joy-ride by the wind. That was it, it was over. I lay back down, the pain in my bellies gone now, all I feel is the cold, I let it inside, I shut my eyes and sink into the gloom.


7 thoughts on “The Snow.

  1. Chilling story. I like the way you compare Lucy to a minnow and perfectly describe his fear and sense of helplessness. I just taught my creative writing class about flash fiction today. They think it is very cool and a bit tough to write.


    • Pun intentinal? :)…. I find with flash fiction that its best to use similies like they’re going out of style, it means I can express a feeling in as few words as possible which makes the whittling down of words a lot easier… Glad you liked it though.


  2. Great piece of flash fiction Charlie. The way you wrote it, I to could feel the cold and see the snow falling. I was your eyes watching poor Lucy with that gun pointing at her. I could even imagine what the feel of that cold bloody ice was like when you tried to get up to help her. Well done.


    • Thank you, I’m always a bit unsure about posting my stories because I don’t know whether people will ‘get’ them, but I’m happy you did.


  3. Great set up and building of suspense, Charlie! your choice to not explain why poor Lucy finds herself in that position adds to the tension. I hope you keep posting fiction.


    • Tank you… You probably will see a bit more over the next few weeks, I’m super busy at the moment with moving house so I’ll mostly be posting things that are already on my computer, which happen to be stories, lots and lots of stories 🙂


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