Some Of My Best Friends Are Zombies!

Earlier today one of my colleagues pointed out that I was wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the satirical comment ‘This Is My Zombie Killing T-shirt’, he pulled me up on it due to the fact that on the 09/06/14 I was wearing a T-shirt, (again satirically) with the motif ‘How To Kill A Zombie’, which included step by step instructions. He said to me ‘You don’t like zombies very much do you?’

I just want to make it clear that I am not a zombist, some of my best friends are zombies, and I very much enjoy zombie culture and I think it is a thing that needs protecting. I do however feel that we need to have open and frank debates about the rates of zombie conversion.

For too long our government has allowed the zombie population to grow exponentially in this country, to the point that there are areas where non-zombies are afraid to go to late at night, these areas feel almost off limit to normal, non-zombie people, and that is a disgrace.

More and more we are seeing evidence that our non-zombied youth are being forced from the job market due to the cheap labour provided by the zombie population. This has to stop, it’s time we took back our country, and our jobs, and gave them to the young, hard-working, non zombies who are struggling more and more to pay the bills.

I also feel it is about time we began to discuss the frankly barbaric way in which zombies produce their food, I do not wish to discriminate against zombie culture, but in this country we live by certain rules about how food is manufactured, and for too long the zombies vulgar methods have been overlooked by a government too afraid to stand up for non-zombie rights.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that the images being disseminated on social media of me dressed up as a zombie have been taken completely out of context, and I never intended to cause any offence to the zombie community. I do see now that it was a grave error of judgement on my part, and that by wearing zombie make-up I may have offended a small minority of zombies, for that I apologise.

Thank you very much for your time in reading this.

Mr C Kirkby

MP for the Non-Zombie Defence League.

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