3 Ways My Netflix Account Is Just Like A Failing Relationship

We’ve all been there, got ourselves caught up in a rush of excitement when everything is new and we’re having fun exploring what’s on offer. But what happens when the honeymoon period is over? When all those things that at first enticed you, just become routine and nothing is fresh? When you end up sitting for hours in the same room and you know you’re not enjoying yourself anymore; you’re just going through the motions? I mean, Breaking Bad was good and all, but what happens once you’ve watched every episode? What happens when…

It Starts To Cost More Than It’s Worth?

At the start of my relationship with Netflix, like I said, everything was new. I binged on The Thick of It and Breaking Bad, I gorged myself on The Office and Misfits, I was filling every waking moment with my movie mistress. But this week I realised something; you see I’ve been busy redecorating my house, and then Friday, I got a round house kick to the face with severe Man Flu.

Just imagine that Chuck Norris is the cold virus, and that other dudes face is, well, my face.

But it got me thinking about my first month with Netflix, back when I was still only flirting with the idea of fully committing to £6:99 a month, I thought we could make it last forever! I thought that there was no way this could ever get stale, this wasn’t like my brief stint with Lovefilm, this was different, Netflix offered me so much more. But now I see, that actually I’ve been paying £6:99 for a while now, and it just isn’t the same as it used to be, I’ve seen everything I wanted to see, and the new releases, well…

Every New Release Just Proves They Don’t Care Anymore

Through my pneumonia hazed eyes I casually flicked through the New Releases section, and what did I see? Saved By The Bell.

So I thought I would get all curled up with a nice glass of wine and take some time out to get all nostalgic, but when I did, I was horrified! What I thought was going to be a treat, turned out to be a cruel, cruel trick. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style, but let me tell you, it is literally the worst thing ever!

Even from here I could feel Google hanging its head in shame when I looked this image up! And yet it’s still only the second most awful thing Dustin Diamond has ever appeared in!

After ten minutes I had to turn it off, Netflix trampled on my memories, and as if that wasn’t unforgivable enough, I browsed through what else lay beneath that succubae’s glamour. Only to find a film so indefinably terrible that even Netflix’s own description is a slow descent into madness.

Kate goes back to Minnesota for a family visit. While lying in a hospital bed, her father Bertman plots revenge against a horse and puts her to the task. Then she has to deal with the rest of her family’s issues.” – Far North (1988)

What? What? Now I must admit I’ve never seen this film, I didn’t want to feed what had to be a troll! I mean, while who was in bed? Kate? While Kate was in bed? Her Dad tried to plot revenge against a horse? Why does anyone need to plot revenge against a horse, like the horse might see it coming? How smart is this horse? Also, not only that, but she then has to deal with the rest of her families issues! As if having a Dad who struggles to outwit a horse isn’t bad enough, there are other things to deal with! What like? Is her sister having some trouble with some neighbouring badgers? Is her Auntie in debt to a racoon? What the f**k is up with this family?

But I know what’s happening, Netflix doesn’t give a damn that I’m laid up with Meningococcal Meningitis, all it cares about is my £6:99. So this is when…

I couldn’t help but get the wandering eye

For Christmas I bought a Now TV box for the Mrs, it came with a 3 month free TV pass, and during our redocoration we swapped our dining room and living room around, this left us without Sky+. It seemed only appropriate that we set up the Now TV in the living room as a substitute, and then on Saturday, my case of Ebola really kicked in! I knew I could have powered up the Wii and switched on Netflix, but, I didn’t, maybe I should have, I don’t know. What I do know is, to my shame, I started my 30 day free trial of the Sky Movies package. I know I shouldn’t have, but it was just there, looking so appealing, I couldn’t help myself!

But now I have to make a decision because Now TV isn’t just going to wait around forever as I make up my mind, pretty soon I’m going to have to make a commitment, and I can’t see both. Netflix is comfortable, but Now TV is new and exciting, yeah it costs a little more, but I think it might be worth taking the risk. So what do you think? Should I break it off with Netflix? Or should I stick with it, Saved By The Bell or no Saved By The Bell?